Unquantulatable Quest - Side Story:
You creatures must be what the Alien calls "Space Monkies". We are Rtaarteqqa in our own tongue, but the Alien called us "his tentacle arm" when we were bonded. Being a part of that... thing was truly a disgusting experience and we fear we and our young have been infected with the taint of the Alien. For some reason we find ourselves utterly fascinated by the freakishly over-sized mammary glands of the Alien's species, and despise the alien creature called "Vaan". But no matter, our mission remains unchanged. We now are in control of the Alien's vessel, and are retracing its steps back to its home world. The Elders gave us the mission to destroy the hostile Alien's world, what it calls "Irth". These aliens are a threat to the entire multiverse; already their broadcasts of The Brady Bunch have destroyed countless worlds. It is a mission we will complete with relish.
Great Crystal[]
So this is the Final Fantasy version of Heaven, huh? I wonder if Kuja is poking around here somewhere plotting to destroy all existence. I think its a little closer to Hell in my opinion, since this place is a navigating nightmare. Your minimap is gone, not filled with static, just gone. And the big Map is gone too, replaced with a sketch of the Crystal with a vague sign of your elevation. The big Map will give you your area's name, but its all written in this incomprehensible language, making it utterly useless. What the fuck is "A Prama Vikaari" supposed to mean? What is this some kind of a joke? Its like we've devolved back to the old games, back when you had to navigate by your wits without any clue as to where you are supposed to go. But none of the earlier games had anything half this confusing - every single area is just a round circle with a few magic paths branching off. It all looks the same! At least labyrinthine Superdungeons like Sealed Temple and Dragon's Den had changes in scenery. There's no definite directions since the camera is now free, so you might be going down the right path or the wrong one, you can never tell. Plus, those spider webs are once again blocking your path.
Okay, all is not lost. For one, we need to go down to the bottom tip of the Great Crystal, so the drawing Map can be a bit useful in that it can at least tell us if we're getting close. Every area does look the same, but the light changes depending upon how high you are in the Crystal. The closer you are to the bottom, the lighter everything gets. We're currently somewhere in the middle, and the spider web blocking our path leads up to the top (and the incredibly strong enemies). We don't want to go that way just yet. Instead its all downhill to the bottom. There are also teleporters with numbers listed. We're at VIII, and we need to get down to I.
Some person that is a lot more obsessed with FFXII than I am put in what must be countless hours writing up a Map of the Great Crystal, which I then took to create into a map for this walkthrough.
For this first part, you can probably navigate without a Map, but for the later portions, its just impossible. Unless of course you're the type that enjoys fumbling around for a million years in the most confusing location in the history video games.
When you land, there will be the Scorpio spider web in front of you. You want to take the path farthest from that. From here the path is linear downhill for a couple of areas. Along the way you'll run into some of the most annoying enemies in the game - these Coeurl monsters that can blow a character apart with "Hell Blaster". That will cause pretty much every status effect and might kill you outright. Its not difficult to get past them, its just annoying to have to revive a character every fight. Finally you'll come to Waystone VII, which will get us deeper into this crystalline nightmare. In the next zone, there will be three paths to take. Either left path will take you to a triangle of areas that will eventually lead to the Cancer Gate Stone. Now return to the last teleporter and take the path on its right. Now go past the turned-off barrier and move forward until you find Mambo Waystone #5.
In this next section, there are two paths you could possibly take. Either open the Pisces or Aries barrier. We'll go Pisces since that's faster. (And easier, since the Aries requires that you fight through the ultra-powerful enemies usually found in the upper layers of the Crystal.) This path is the one closer to the Pisces spider web. You'll go through another area that makes a sharp turn down to the Gate Stone. Backtrack to the teleporter and go through the now open spider web to Waystone III.
After teleporter III, its smooth sailing. The next few areas are purely enemy-free. Its just a straight shot to Waystone I. A scene plays where Ashe and Fran notice an orb above that is made of pure Nethicite. With that much pure firepower you could destroy all of Ivalice, or have enough munitions to last the US Army about two weeks. By the way, take a look around. It is seriously pretty down here. Next to the final teleporter is a blue Save Crystal. Use that, then take the warp. Instead of just whisking off, the camera does this awesome dive right down into the final section of the Great Crystal.
Hmm, its Giruvegan tinted red. Open the door to start off a boss battle - this time with an Esper. Ooo, how exotic.
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For winning we get yet another useless Esper to never Summon. I like to give all my Espers to Vaan since I think useless pieces of shit would be able to understand each other better. Run forward to the final teleporter. Its to another dimension which is within another dimension which is within another dimension in a fictional world that will never exist. Weird huh.
Oh THIS is Heaven! A floating platform in a sea of sky in between two clouds, I like the view. Maybe I'll summer here once I sell my place on the Phon Coast. Ashe finds herself alone except for a circle of Gods who may or may not actually be female robots. Its like the SEELE circle, only a lot freakier. Turns out these Gods have chosen our girl Ashe to go out and cut out some more Nethicite from a giant rock known as the Sun-Cryst. Raithwall himself did the same thing thousands of years ago. To finish the task, we're given a really cool-looking sword called the Treaty Blade. The stated goal is: destroy Archadia and Venat. But isn't Venat one of these Gods? I hate to get in the middle of a family squabble that is none of my business. Well, it seems that these Occuria Gods are very touchy about the subject of Venat, and immediately freak out when hearing her name. That's strange, I always figured that a God would have an even temper. And if that isn't creepy enough, the Ocurria then go on a long indictment of Mankind, saying we're the cause of all of Ivalice's problems. Hey, Gods, we might have started this war, but we certainly didn't infest the wilderness with wolves, now did we? They're always meddling with the course of History, keeping "its course true".
Okay, I'm not buying this crock. What kind of Gods need some human patsy to do their dirty work? Well, the Judeo-Christian God, but I'm not ranting about him right now. These self-righteous creatures think they know how History should run? Screw that! Man can destroy His own destiny, thank you very much. I'm with Cid, this Ocurria business needs to go. I hate to agree with Vaan, but I have to rise above petty difference at this point. Let's take some Nethicite and blow this entire Crystal right up! YEAH!!! ...Unfortunately nobody in our party is up for a course of action that insane, and the game never does let you fight the Ocurria, despite how awesome they would be as bosses. Instead, lacking a better idea, they decide to go for the Sun-Cryst.
Back in Archades, Vayne and his crew are sitting around talking about what should be done next. Little Larsa wants Dalmasca to be restored, thus ending Ondore's pretext for war. Vayne, who probably is protecting his long locks of hair right off, thinks that she's bent on war. So to settle things, Judge Gabranth, one of the two Judges left alive, is sent out to find out if Ashe can be reasoned with. Seems like a simple task, let us watch him fail at it miserably. Larsa leaves the room, letting Doctor Cid, Vayne, and Venat have a little huddle. Seems their plan is actually the same one that Bergan ranted off in a bloody high, for Vayne to become Dynast-King and for the Gods to be taking out of the equation. Really, I must wonder if these guys are our true enemy. It seems that the Ocurria are a much more problematic issue than this minor conflict. If Archadia rises or falls, it does not matter. But as for Man's secondary role in History, now that is a serious issue.
Back in control of the party, take the teleporter out to Giruvegan. Then use that orange Save Crystal to return to Balfonheim.
Balfonheim[]
With the completion of that dungeon, Balfonheim's merchants decide to update their stock. Most key at this point is the Magic Shop, as usual. First off, buy "Arise", since that spell is essential. With that, being killed in battle is something that can be fixed in a matter of seconds. Also essential is "Esunaga", a spell that heals all status effects from your entire party. My my my, if only you had that in the past, how nice would things have been? "Protectga" and "Shellga" are somewhat useful, but not essential. You have Gil to burn, I know, but don't go crazy yet. There is a lot of items that you'll want first. Before visiting the Weapon and Armor shop, go to Reddas.
Turns out his pirate fleet was out investigating some new land when it ran into engine trouble. in Draklor, Reddas found some mention of a lighthouse inbetween cutting people's guts out and kicking ass. The area is so thick with Myst that engines don't work. Lucky thing, because Balthier's Airship just so happens to be able to fly anywhere (as long as its on the small little region in the World Map). How convenient! By the way, since Reddas is a hippie and hates Nethicite, he's decided to join with us in our next quest. I can't believe that its this late in the game and I have to make a Character Box:
| Guest Playable Character: Reddas |
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Reddas is the final Guest party member, and joins so late in the game that potentially you could play through the entire sidequest section with him at your side. Some people actually do this, but that means you have to awkwardly avoid finishing the next dungeon, which is required if you want to get the long-sought "Telekensis" move. At first that might sound tempting, but I found Reddas to not be worth the maintenance and trouble after awhile. Your levels go up, the enemies' levels go up, but Reddas generally stays at the same strength. I will just be that much more you have to keep alive, soon to become an active drain on your resources. But for now Reddas is great. He can only really attack physically with his custom twin swords and use "Telekensis" (show-off) but that doesn't matter too much. He's an excellent fighter for this part of the game, and he should prove an able comrade all the way to the top of the Pharos. Reddas is a master physical fighter, and he has a high rate of countering attacks. Just don't expect any magic or any other actions. For that reason, you really won't lose anything if you Berserk Reddas, that will only increase his strength. All in all, I'll have to say that Larsa is a far more useful character, but Reddas is better than nothing (for now). As a character, Reddas is pretty bland. I honestly cannot come up with a single distinguishing characteristic. He's supposed to be racked with guilt, but it never shows. Instead, his voice actor is simply hammy, and I'm thoroughly unimpressed. Yeah, he was the one who destroyed Nabudis with Nethicite back when he was a Judge. Remember that "Judge Zecht" Bergan mentioned? Here he is. At the very least he makes cool battle yells. Oh, and he's Black, in case you haven't noticed. Nobody in FFXII ever seems to. In the magical uncontroversial world of Final Fantasy, race is a non-issue. |
Wait, there's a snag in this plan. The Stahl is currently incapacitated due to some B.S. reason that the game came up with to keep us grounded for whatever gameplay reason. Oh look, the engineering Moogle, Nono is running towards us with a report that the Strahl is fixed. Now that is lucky! What are the odds that the ship would be fixed at the exact moment we needed it! Not contrived at all, I promise you. You can now use your Airship to fly around to most locations in the game, as long as there is an Anchor someplace or if its a city, an Aerodrome. (The Anchors, which were previously invisible, have now appeared around, usually in Save Points.) You can access the Strahl using the Private Airships section, meaning that you pretty much never need to use the Ferries again. Though we will one more time to finish a Hunt. However, you can't actually fly your Airship, since like FFX you can only pick locations off a World Map. That kills a lot of fun.
But before we move on with the game's plot, we have lots of sidquests to do. YAY!!! I love sidequests! Give me more and more and more and more!! But it seems that we've run out of room on this page, so turn that son of a bitch and we can get moving.