EXT. STREETS – DAY
(The camera pans around the street as the scene cuts to the inside of a building)
INT. DRAMA ROOM – DAY
The Camera pans around the room showing people sitting with notepads and a TEACHER in the front of the room with a white board.
Camera focuses on the Teacher.
TEACHER Let’s talk about auditions.
The camera shows Jerry taking notes.
(As the teacher continues to talk, a voice over is heard while the scene switches back between Jerry’s friend ARNOLD at their apartment to the drama room.)
TEACHER Always keep your throat hydrated with plenty of water, try to avoid pop or soda and dairy products.
Arnold is shown reaching for a bottle of water in the fridge, then changing his mind and grabbing a bottle of coke instead.
TEACHER (V.O.) Acting is no easy thing. It takes much hard work. Time, dedication and the focus and determination. You can’t just sit on your couch all day and wait for a casting director to call you. You need to make the effort.
At the same time Arnold is shown sitting on a couch with chips all over his shirt and the couch, drinking a bottle of coke and watching T.V.
The phone rings, Arnold picks it up and spites out the coke and jumps up and down and dances in joy.
ARNOLD Whoo hoo!
INT. DRAMA ROOM – DAY.
The bell rings as the acting students are packing up their bag and getting ready to leave. JERRY is on his way out when his cell phone rings. Jerry searches his bag and answers his phone.
INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM – DAY.
ARNOLD Jerry! Oh my god dude you wouldn’t believe this, remember that short movie we put on youtube? Yea apparently some Hollywood big shot director saw it and he wants us to come in for an audition for a new film they’re doing!!
Arnold is listening to the phone as mumbling is heard.
ARNOLD Yea of course this is for real man!
A small pause occurs and you hear Jerry scream with joy through the phone.
EXT. CITY STREETS – EARLY AFTERNOON
The Camera pans around the streets,
Jerry is shown waving for a cab, as a cab stops it sprays road side water all over Jerry’s shoes and pants.
The CAB DRIVER leans his face out of the window,
CAB DRIVER Hey bro, watch your feet, don’t get my car dirty.
The camera shows a cab driving along the streets
INT. CAB – DAY
JERRY is in the backseat of the cab.
CAB DRIVER So my friend, where is it you want to go?
JERRY 4397, Corneleus Street please.
CAB DRIVER Alright, hold tight my friend!
The cab is shown on the outside as the driver speeds up.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF APARTMENT - AFTERNOON
The scene cuts to the cab arriving at an apartment building.
JERRY is shown coming out of the cab and goes up to the driver’s window.
JERRY Thanks a lot, so how much will that be?
The CAB DRIVER is shown taking a long receipt from the taxi prompter. Cab driver reads the bottom of the receipt.
CAB DRIVER $40.00
JERRY (Shocked) $40.00?!?!?
CAB DRIVER (CONT’D) Yea, a nice round number.
JERRY (Shocked) How was that $40.00??
CAB DRIVER (CONT’D) Well when I went to 7/11 get a burrito, you bought a soda too so I thought I might as well charge that little trip on your cab fare, just to make it a nice even number.
Jerry tries to control himself and calm down. Jerry puts on an unpleasant smile.
JERRY You know what? I’m so happy today, you can’t ruin it.
Jerry reaches for his wallet and fidgets for $40, but instead takes out a $50 bill.
JERRY (Sarcastically) I don’t suppose you have change for a %50?
The cab driver puts the money in his shirt pocket.
CAB DRIVER (Smiling) Think of it as a very generous tip.
The Cab driver drives off and splashes road side water on Jerry’s pants again.
Jerry closes his eyes and repeats to himself while grunting.
JERRY He can’t ruin my day.
Jerry walks towards the apartment while still repeating to himself.
JERRY He can’t ruin my day, he can’t ruin my day, he can’t ruin my day.
Jerry walks into the apartment as the scene changes
INT. APARTMENT LOBBY – AFTERNOON
JERRY approaches the main lobby counter and walks up to a man in a suit.
JERRY Hey Lou, how’s it going?
LOU scans Jerry up and down with his eyes; he then approaches to the lockers behind him to get his mail for him.
LOU I’m just great... What happened to you?
Lou hands the mail to Jerry.
JERRY (Explaining) It’s hard to explain… (Excited) Anyways, Arnold and I got a major audition with a major casting director! This could be the big break!
LOU (Excited) Alright man! All that hard work finally paid off!
Lou goes forward to high five Jerry and as he does, a bag of white powder falls out of his suit pocket and onto the floor.
Jerry tries to look over the counter.
JERRY Hey dude I think you dropped something.
Lou quickly reaches down, grabs the bag and hides it back in his suit jacket.
LOU Oh that’s nothing, just some sugar.
JERRY (CONT’D) (Confused) Oh okay. Well anyways I’m going to uh (gestures at the elevator)
LOU Oh yea, break a leg at the audition!
Jerry walks towards the elevator,
INT. HALLWAYS – EARLY EVENING
JERRY walks up to his room and rings the doorbell.
ARNOLD opens the door and hits Jerry in the face, knocking him down to the floor.
ARNOLD Dude quit messing around on the floor, get up!
Jerry gets up on his feet,
JERRY You knocked my down!
ARNOLD Whoa, what’s your problem?
Jerry walks past Arnold and into the room.
INT. APARTMENT ROOM – EARLY EVENING.
JERRY walks in and drops his bag and sits on the couch.
JERRY I’ve just had a bad day.
ARNOLD sits down next to Jerry,
ARNOLD (Surprised) Dude, we’ve just been discovered by the CAA and your upset?
Jerry turns around in shock,
JERRY (Shocked) CAA? You never said the guy was from CAA, why would he be from CAA? CAA is in LA, what’s he doing in Vancouver? CAA?
Arnold chuckles at his happiness,
ARNOLD (CONT’D) (Chuckling) Dude, you need to calm down, this is CAA man, they don’t like it when your all up in their faces like that, and plus they’re rarely here and since they are we’re not going to let this opportunity pass by us, we’ve worked too hard and too long!
JERRY (CONT’D) (Realizing) Your right, your right… So when’s this audition?
Arnold grabs a bottle of coke next to him,
ARNOLD Oh, don’t worry about it, it’s not until like 11:00pm.
JERRY (Freaking out) It’s today?!?! Why didn’t you tell me, I’m not ready!
Arnold looks at Jerry with a smirk,
ARNOLD Well, let’s get ready.
The scene then cuts to a montage of Jerry trying on ridiculous outfits as Arnold watches and laughs.(Shakespeare outfit, Rapper outfit, Business suit, Emo outfit)
The montage ends with Jerry walking out dressed in casual clothing. (Long sleeve shirt with jeans and sneakers).
Arnold gets up, grabs his keys, taps Jerry on the back as he walks towards the door.
ARNOLD Let’s go.
Jerry looks at his watch and looks back at Arnold
JERRY But it’s only 7.
ARNOLD (CONT’D) We’re going to grab a bite, then off to the audition. Come on.
INT. PIZZA SHOP – NIGHT
The camera pans around a fairly empty pizza shop.
A MAN with a black suit and a blank look on his face comes into the shop and goes up towards the counter and approaches the CASHIER.
MAN (Serious) Is Bobby working today?
CASHIER Uh, yea. Just a second.
The cashier walks off into the kitchen and a couple of seconds later BOBBY comes out.
BOBBY How can I help you?
The man looks around, brings out a piece of paper and reads of it.
MAN Can I get an extra large Hawaiian pizza with extra anchovies and no cheese.
Bobby looks around suspiciously,
The man hands bob a clip of money and Bobby sneaks the money into his pocket.
BOBBY Coming right up.
Bobby goes into the kitchen and comes out seconds later with a pizza box. The man opens the box and instead of pizza, the box is full of bags of cocaine.
The man than leaves the shop quickly.
EXT. STREETS – NIGHT.
As the man leaves, a POLICE OFFICER sitting in a police car notices the man leaving. The officer grabs his walky talky and sends a message.
POLICE OFFICER#1 This is unit 17, I’m checking out the pizza shop down by Gerly street, I’ve seen some suspicious activities tonight, I’m going to pose as a civilian and go inside the shop, see what stuff I can dig up, over.
POLICE STATION (V.O.) Copy that unit 17. We will send backup.
(The camera switches scene to a car parking at the side of the road as ARNOLD and JERRY walk out of the car.)
JERRY What’s this place?
ARNOLD Johnny’s Pizza Parlor, I’ve heard they have the best pizzas man can make.
JERRY Best pizzas man can make?
ARNOLD I’ll be the judge of that.
Arnold and Jerry walk towards the shop and enter the shop.
INT. PIZZA SHOP – NIGHT
ARNOLD and JERRY approach the front counter and BOBBY is still standing there. The POLICE OFFICER is watching the both of them as they enter.
ARNOLD Hello, (reads his nametag) Bobby.
BOBBY What’ll you boys have?
ARNOLD Can we have an extra large Hawaiian pizza with extra anchovies and no cheese.
Bobby stares at them.
BOBBY Coming right up.
Bob walks back into the kitchen.
JERRY Dude, what kind of a pizza was that?
ARNOLD Yea, sounds nasty doesn’t it? Trust me, it’s my own secret topping, you’ll get hooked once you try it.
JERRY Sounds great… but why are you sure we can finish an extra large?
ARNOLD Hey, can’t go to an audition on an empty stomach.
JERRY Alright, but hurry up, eat and we’ll go.
ARNOLD Dude, calm down. We’ll be out of here in no time.
Bob comes back with a pizza box.
BOBBY That’ll be $80
Arnold and Jerry are in shock.
JERRY $80? Are you crazy?
BOBBY Hey look, do you want your (looks around) pizza or not.
Arnold grabs his wallet and takes out $80.
ARNOLD For $80 this better be the best pizza man can make.
Arnold and Jerry grab the pizza box and sit down on a table next to the police officer and open the box.
They see bags of cocaine and are confused.
Jerry grabs a bag out and looks at it.
JERRY (Confused) What is this?
The camera focuses on the police officer as he takes out his walky talky.
POLICE OFFICER#1 All units move in! I have the suspects trapped!
Jerry and Arnold look around.
JERRY What suspects?
4 cops break open the door of the shop, rushes in and tackles down Jerry and Arnold
ARNOLD What the hell is this?
POLICE OFFICER#2 Shut up assholes!
The camera focuses on Police Officer#1 as he’s talking through his walky talky. POLICE OFFICER#1 We have the suspects in custody; we’re going to bring them back to the station for further questioning and interrogation.
INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT.
(The camera pans around the police station showing police officers doing paperwork.)
The scene then cuts to POLICE OFFICER#1 and a GOVERNMENT AGENT (looks like “agent” from The Matrix).
They are looking into an interrogation room with JERRY and ARNOLD inside.
POLICE OFFICER#1 For the past 2 years we’ve tried to crack this illegal cocaine business. For the past 2 month we’ve been keeping our eyes on Johnny’s Pizza Parlor, and in the past 2 hours we’ve just caught our first 2 suspects.
GOVERNMENT AGENT And in 2 minutes I’m going to have this case solved.
The Government Agent walks off screen.
INT. ITERROGATION ROOM – NIGHT.
The GOVERNMENT AGENT comes in the door. JERRY and ARNOLD have their heads down so they’re unaware.
The Government Agent slams the door and shocks Jerry and Arnold.
The agent walks up to Jerry and Arnold and take off his sunglasses.
GOVERNMENT AGENT Talk.
Jerry and Arnold both start talking really fast and nervously.
ARNOLD Look sir, we tried to go to an audition and we ended up at a pizza parlor.
JERRY We had an audition and then we ordered a pizza but got white stuff instead.
Government Agent slams the table.
GOVERNMENT AGENT (Yelling) One at a time!
Government Agent points at Jerry.
GOVERNMENT AGENT Talk!
Jerry is so scared that he lets out a squeaky fart.
Arnold tries to hold back a laugh as Government Agent turns to him.
GOVERNMENT AGENT You think this is funny?
ARNOLD No sir.
GOVERNMENT AGENT I can send you both to jail for years if you don’t start talking right now.
JERRY We didn’t do anything, bottom line, really.
GOVERNMENT AGENT Then why we’re you caught with this?
Government Agent throws a bag of cocaine at them,
ARNOLD We’re just a couple of actors going to an audition.
Government Agent smirks
GOVERNMENT AGENT You boys act?
EXT. STREETS – NIGHT.
The scene changes to a fairly empty street is shown as a black van drives by.
INT. BACK OF VAN – NIGHT.
JERRY and ARNOLD are sitting in the back of the van wearing a wiring system on them.
JERRY You just had to tell him we we’re actors.
ARNOLD Well how was I supposed to know that he’d wire us up and make us his little personal spies?
JERRY We’re going to die! We’re going to get caught, we are going to die!
ARNOLD Look what’s so hard? We follow Bobby out of there, track him down to where he lives. And before you know it, case closed, we’re at our audition.
JERRY Oh speaking of the audition when is it?
Arnold looks at his watch
ARNOLD Don’t worry it’s in 2 hours.
JERRY I cannot believe this shit!
EXT. STREET – NIGHT.
The van is parked across the street from the pizza shop as JERRY, ARNOLD and the GOVERNMENT AGENT get out the back.
GOVERNMENT AGENT Alright so here’s the deal, your going to follow the Bobby guy and figure out where he’s going. If you can get him to talk, even better. Once we’ve wired you up so we’ll be able to connect with you at all time, when the job is done, you boys are free to go.
Government Agent shoves Jerry and Arnold towards the street.
GOVERNMENT AGENT Now go!
Jerry and Arnold are walking towards the shop.
JERRY We just had to get your stupid special pizza.
ARNOLD Hey screw you, that pizza’s awesome!
INT. PIZZA SHOP – NIGHT
JERRY and ARNOLD walk into the pizza shop and Arnold stops infront of Jerry.
ARNOLD (Whispering) Look, I say we just rip this shit off our chests and make a break out the back door.
JERRY (Whispering) Are you crazy! They’ll catch us and kill us!
ARNOLD (CONT’D) (Whispering) Look, no they won’t. Your making a big deal out of nothing. Now just shut up and follow me.
JERRY (CONT’D) I can’t believe I’m doing this.
Jerry and Arnold look around as they quickly sneak into a bathroom.
INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT.
ARNOLD rips off his wiring system and throws it into the garbage.
ARNOLD (Whispering) Hurry up and rip it off.
Jerry rips off his wiring and throws it into the garbage and they both leave the bathroom.
The camera focuses on the garbage bin as someone is speaking through the wiring system.
GOVERNMENT AGENT (V.O.) Guys, can you hear me? They know your there and they’ve got the place surrounded in the back, we’re calling backup right now. So hurry the hell out of there.
INT. PIZZA SHOP KITCHEN – NIGHT.
JERRY and ARNOLD are sneaking around a pizza shop kitchen trying to find the exit.
They find 2 aprons hanging and grab them and put them on.
They find a bowl of melted chocolate and swipe some chocolate on their lips to look like fake mustaches.
They’re walking backwards and looking around and bump into an Italian man making pizza.
ARNOLD (Italian accent) Mamma Mia! Uhh…
JERRY (Italian accent)
Uhh… Pizza, you make a pizza. Mamma mia!
ARNOLD (CONT’D) (Italian accent) Yes yes, pizza mamma mia!
Arnold and Jerry back off quickly and run away.
Another Italian man walks by.
ITALIAN MAN#2 (Normal accent) What the hell was that?
ITALIAN MAN#1 (Normal accent) I have no idea…
EXT. BACK ALLEY – NIGHT.
A door is shown in a back alley. JERRY and ARNOLD walk out the back door and are unaware of the mob in the alley.
They’re taking off their aprons and wiping the chocolate off their face so they don’t notice the mob standing in front of them with a van.
ARNOLD Dude I can’t believe we did it!
JERRY Yea man now we can make our audition on time.
Jerry and Arnold look forward as they see the mob of people.