Master Conjurer

So here I am browsing the Internet, reading a couple articles I was linked to on Facebook, talking to my housemates. And my adoptive mother—who is presently working on a website—asks me what a good skin/theme for a MediaWiki site is. And I'm like, oh I know one that I liked a lot! Oh, what was its name? I know, Wikia used to use it, so I'll go through my old talk page on the Final Fantasy Wiki and see if the name of it is in there. (I'm thinking of Monaco, btw. This is relevant, I swear.)

In order to look at the old page I'm using a new username I made back in 2014, which I have because I didn't really want to be this Master Conjurer person I created over the years. Master Conjurer was this elitist asshole who liked to hit frustrating things with a big stick (metaphorically) and got even more frustrated when someone was caught in the crossfire. Sure, yes, a decent coder too, but too edgy. And loud. Meanwhile, I was this meek 24-year-old who had already long lost everything and learned to stop trying to get it back. I lived where someone who liked me enough had space, and I didn't leave home unless I was with someone or soon about to be. I was a kitten who couldn't bring herself to speak from the lips of a tiger. So I hid from my old self here in a lot of the same way I do irl. Not that I did much editing at the time anyway.

So anyway, I'm on my other username and looking at my old page (this one) and I see the little dancing moogle thingy in the upper-right. I think, that's new, wonder what it is, and click it. And it's the first time I see these wonderful acknowledgements. Someone remembered work I had done half a decade before, and Scathe wrote a beautiful poem, and while I'm not a huge fan of having hunky Sabin represent me there's a convoluted way that it's fitting tbh. And so here I am, a 26-year-old paralyzed woman in a ragged farmhouse on a random mountain in the middle of nowhere, the antithesis to relevance, literally crying at a gesture made by people she hasn't talked to in years.

I had more I was planning to write, but really I think for now I'm just glad I got that last part out.