The Great Horn Heist script
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| Ollier
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Beg pardon, my good madam/sir, but might I ask your assistance with a matter most grave?
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| Ollier
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Wait...I know that face! You're the one who apprehended the murderer in that mystery event we held some time back. I'm Ollier, the attendant who recruited your services at the time. You remember me, yes?
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| Ollier
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I'm afraid to say that we have another most confounding case on our hands─and this time, it's not just for show! Yes, we're dealing with an honest-to-gods robbery in the halls of the Gold Saucer. Why, the Brass Blades are investigating even as we speak.
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| Ollier
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My name is Ollier, and I have the pleasure and honor of serving as one of Lord Manderville's earnest attendants at the Gold Saucer.
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| Ollier
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Just between you and me, I must confess that we're dealing with a bit of a situation at the moment. It appears that a robbery has taken place in the Saucer's hallowed halls. Why, the Brass Blades are investigating even as we speak.
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| Ollier
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And as if that weren't bad enough, one of my closest friends and colleagues from among the Saucer's staff has been named the prime suspect!
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| Ollier
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I can assure you that he is absolutely innocent of all charges─why, the man wouldn't even think of committing a crime! That said, we are sadly lacking in incontrovertible evidence to that end. Which is where you come in─or at least, where I hope you come in.
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| Ollier
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What say you, my friend? I realize the request is quite sudden, but might you be so kind as to entertain me?
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| Ollier
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Oh, thank you, good madam/sir! In that case, pray accompany me to the Manderville Lounge, that I might explain to you the situation in full detail.
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| Ollier
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...Oh, but I've gotten ahead of myself. If you've yet to visit the Gold Saucer, you'll be needing a ticket for admission. In that case, I recommend you try speaking with that young man over there. He's been gloating endlessly of his winnings, and seems to be in the mood to share his good fortune.
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| Ollier
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Thank you so much for coming, my friend. Your offer of assistance means the world to me.
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| Ollier
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Look over there. There you will see my dear friend Hugue, in the process of being unceremoniously and brusquely interrogated by those boorish Brass Blades.
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| Brassbladesmana04054
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You there! Can't you see we're in the middle of an investigation? It'd serve you well not to interfere!
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| Roland
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Now, now. Who said anything about interfering?
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| Roland
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Well, now, if it isn't Mistress/Master [Player Name]! Always a pleasure to welcome you to the Gold Saucer.
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| Roland
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Welcome, dear guest, to the Gold Saucer. I am Roland, and I have the honor of overseeing day-to-day operations here in Lord Manderville's stead.
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| Roland
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Now, if I might ask, whatever brings you here today?
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| Roland
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...I see. In that event, your assistance in the matter is indeed most welcome. I trust my man Ollier has apprised you on the details of the case?
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| Ollier
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Ah! Pray forgive me, Master Roland...I was just getting to that.
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| Ollier
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A short while ago, an invaluable Sabotender Emperador horn was stolen from the prize vault just behind our main counter.
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| Ollier
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Needless to say, this area is guarded heavily and strictly off-limits to all customers.
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| Ollier
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So it was that, naturally, the staff came under suspicion─in particular, poor Hugue, who had the misfortune of being the one manning the prize exchange booth at the precise time of the theft.
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| Ollier
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My friend swears he is innocent, of course, and a more honest man I have never known. Yet, in the absence of any evidence to the contrary─or any leads suggesting another possibility─the Brass Blades have all but assumed that he is the culprit.
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| Ollier
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You see, although he's a most diligent worker and beloved by his peers, truth be told...it appears he was arrested for petty theft once, years ago. Still, that's no reason to assume he's to blame this time!
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| Ollier
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It's unconscionable, I tell you! Why, if they persist with their interrogation, I fear Hugue will be coerced to confess to a crime he never committed! Oh, is there nothing that can be done!?
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| Roland
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I, too, can speak for Hugue's character. The man would sooner lop off his own hand than steal even a single gil.
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| Roland
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Might we ask you to look into the matter and glean what evidence you may, that we might prove our trusted employee innocent of any wrongdoing?
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| Roland
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You have my gratitude. I will speak to the Brass Blades and inform them that you have our full permission to conduct your own investigation of the premises.
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| Roland
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And with that, I must return to my duties. I assume the matter is in good hands with you, Ollier?
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| Daluce
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So you're the adventurer Master Roland dragged into this, eh? Investigate all you like─we're sure that we've got the right man.
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| Hugue
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I swear, I have stolen nothing! Why will they not believe me!?
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| Staffa04054
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To think that such a theft could occur here at the Gold Saucer. And I thought our vaults were the best guarded in the entire realm...
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| Ollier
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...Ah. Before I forget, I want you to have this.
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| Ollier
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If you come across evidence or anything of interest in your search, pray record it in this inspector's notebook. Should you ever find yourself at a loss, you may find it helpful to review what you have already learned.
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| Ollier
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And with that, I do believe you have all you need to get started. If I might offer a word of advice, why not begin by questioning that rather flustered-looking fellow over there?
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| Ollier
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That attendant over by the table appears quite concerned about something. Perhaps he knows something about the case?
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| Staffa04054
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I was tasked with selling Mini Cactpot tickets, and was standing behind the counter at the time of the crime. To think that something like this could happen here at the Gold Saucer!
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| Staffa04054
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I said the same to Captain Daluce and Pipimaya─ah, they're the two Brass Blade officers questioning Hugue over there─but I don't recall anything out of the ordinary at the time.
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| Staffa04054
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It's festival season, of course, which means that our halls are even more packed with customers than usual, but other than that, I can't think of anything worthy of note.
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| Staffa04054
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Yet I guarantee you that no unauthorized persons were allowed to slip behind the counter. From my vantage point, I would have noticed in an instant if that were the case.
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| Ollier
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Well? Did you record the man's testimony in your journal?
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| Ollier
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Excellent! Keep asking around, and you're sure to arrive at the truth behind the incident in due time. And then, at long last, poor Hugue's innocence will be proven beyond a shadow of a doubt!
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| Sasapano
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We all know you did it. Why not confess and save us all some trouble?
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| Guesta04054
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That Hyuran attendant, you say? If I recall, he left his post for a time to escort a customer some place or another.
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| Guesta04054
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Thought it odd to see no one manning the counter, but I suppose it happens from time to time? Or perhaps not...
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| Brassbladesmanb04054
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Given its sheer size, we believe the thief has hidden the stolen horn somewhere around the premises until such time as they can arrange to smuggle it out. Though, for the life of me, I can't find the godsdamned thing anywhere...
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| Staffb04054
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Oh, whatever to do? Whatever to do!?
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| Staffb04054
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Shush! Have you lost your wits!? Don't say that so loud! If anyone heard that I'd misplaced my uniform, why there'd be hells to─oh, I should probably quiet down, myself.
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| Staffb04054
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Needless to say, those uniforms are issued to official Gold Saucer staff alone. When not wearing them, we're instructed to guard them as if our lives depended on it. If it were to get out that I lost mine...
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| Staffb04054
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Just before, I checked with the cleaning staff to make sure that it wasn't accidentally disposed of somehow.
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| Staffb04054
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The man said he'd seen nothing, nor have any articles of clothing been delivered to the lost and found. Oh, wherever could my uniform have gone!?
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| Brassbladesmanc04054
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The investigation? Hah. We already know that sorry wretch named Hugue did it. I've got more interesting matters to think about.
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| Brassbladesmanc04054
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The investigation? Hah. We already know that sorry wretch named Hugue did it. I've got more interesting matters to think about. Say, have you heard any good rumors lately?
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| Brassbladesmanc04054
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Pipimaya flat-out ignored a friendly invitation and went off to the chocobo races alone, you say? That's somethin' you don't hear every day...
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| Brassbladesmanc04054
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Never known the man to say no to anyone. Why, one time a new recruit started calling him “Mayapipi,” and he didn't even bat an eyelash. On the contrary, he just went along with it like it was his new favorite nickname!
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| Brassbladesmanc04054
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Since then, all the newcomers have taken to calling him “Master Mayapipi,” and Pipimaya's as happy as a chocobo gettin' scratched behind the ears! To think he'd turn a deaf ear to one of his subordinates─that's a juicy rumor if I ever heard one!
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| Staffc04054
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Have I noticed anything out of the ordinary, you ask? Well, now that you mention it─I doubt it has anything to do with the incident, but...
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| Staffc04054
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My colleague who works at the Cactpot Board mentioned that his uniform had gone missing. I could scarce believe it─the man's a veteran, and as careful as anyone I know.
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| Staffc04054
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We're instructed to guard those outfits with our lives, you know. If my colleague doesn't find his soon, Master Roland is like to give him a chewing out like he'd never believe...
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| Brassbladesmane04054
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Around the time the robbery happened, I was just getting off active duty. I had a mind to go to the chocobo races with Pipimaya, so I gave him a yell. But would you believe it? He just walked off to the racetrack as if he never heard me!
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| Brassbladesmanf04054
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Pipimaya, you say? I'd heard his brother was known to place a few coins on the birds from time to time, but never knew Pipimaya had an interest as well.
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| Brassbladesmanf04054
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Still, for a friendly chap like ol' Pipimaya to just ignore you like that...reckon he must have had a big bet on his mind, eh?
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| Staffd04054
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Have you met Pipimaya? He's one of the Brass Blades investigating the theft for us, but he's no stranger to the Gold Saucer. Why, I've seen him at the chocobo races more than once!
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| Staffe04054
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You sure that's not his brother? They're the spitting image of each other, and I hear it's the brother who's a regular patron here. They say he can rack up the MGP like you wouldn't believe...
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| Staffd04054
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His brother, you say? Why, I didn't even know he had a brother! From what I saw, they could almost be twins!
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| Staffe04054
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Hah! Someone needs to get around a bit more, it seems. Anyhow, the brother's a regular here if I ever saw one. Seeing the sheer single-minded devotion with which he attacks those games, I reckon he's got his eyes on an exclusive prize.
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| Ollier
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How fares the investigation, my friend? You look as if the whole matter still has you a bit puzzled. Have you gotten any closer to the truth?
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| Ollier
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Ah, there you are. Observing from afar, I couldn't help but notice just how thorough you've been in your investigation. Pray tell, do you believe you've arrived at the truth?
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| Ollier
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Truly? In that case, by all means let us share your deductions with the others!
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| Ollier
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I see. Pray take the time you need to be certain, but please hurry...lest poor Hugue be forced to confess to a crime which he did not commit.
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| Roland
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Captain Daluce, thank you for accepting my request to join in the proceedings. In my capacity as the one charged by Lord Manderville with overseeing daily affairs here, I would listen to all the evidence at hand, that I might arrive at my own conclusion regarding this unfortunate incident. Is this acceptable to you?
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| Daluce
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I see no reason to object. After all, we only wish to arrive at the truth─same as you.
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| Roland
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Mistress/Master [Player Name], I trust that you, too, have no objections to my participation here?
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| Roland
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Very well, then let us begin. Captain Daluce, pray summarize the details of the incident for us once more.
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| Daluce
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Gladly. A few bells ago, a Sabotender Emperador horn went missing from the Gold Saucer's prize vault, located behind the main counter. It was noticed by a sharp-eyed attendant whose shift followed that of Hugue.
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| Daluce
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Thorough questioning of all witnesses in the area at the time revealed that no other persons─attendant or customer alike─were seen behind the counter at the time.
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| Daluce
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Investigating our records, we further learned that Hugue was arrested once for petty theft before being employed here at the Saucer. We have named him a primary suspect, and an interrogation is being conducted as we speak. That is all.
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| Roland
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Thank you, Captain Daluce.
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| Roland
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Mistress/Master [Player Name]. Ollier has informed me that you, too, have been investigating the matter on our behalf. Have you any objections to Captain Daluce's testimony?
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| Daluce
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What!? How could you possibly know that!?
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| Daluce
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As I just explained, our witnesses stated clearly that they saw no one go behind the counter. In the absence of any other potential suspects, it only stands to reason that Hugue is the culprit.
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| Daluce
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...At any rate, it's clear you are simply stalling for time. If you have nothing of import to contribute, I daresay it's time we rendered a verdict.
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| Daluce
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What's this you say...!?
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| Roland
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...Oho. Then let us proceed to the next topic at hand. Captain Daluce and his men are all but convinced that Hugue is the thief. Have you uncovered any evidence to lead you to believe otherwise?
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| Daluce
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It's true that we haven't recovered it yet, but I assure you it's only a matter of time. That's hardly evidence of the man's innocence. What exactly are you implying?
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| Roland
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...Mistress/Master [Player Name]. My valued employee's good name and future are on the line today. I ask you to take these proceedings more seriously.
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| Daluce
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Hah! You expect that baseless blathering to carry any weight here? It's more than evident that you're just wasting our time.
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| Roland
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...I see. For you to say so with such confidence, I imagine you must have uncovered some convincing evidence, indeed.
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| Roland
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Well, now. I do believe we've come to the heart of the matter. Mistress/Master [Player Name], if you would...just who do you believe is truly responsible for the crime?
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| Sasapano
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M-Me!? Is this some kind of a joke!? I'm no thief! I'm an officer of the law!
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| Sasapano
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You'd best have some proof behind these accusations, or I'll have you hauled in gaol faster than you can say “Godbert Manderville!”
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| Roland
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...I am in no mood for jests, Mistress/Master [Player Name]. I'll ask you again, and I expect a serious answer this time.
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| Daluce
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So you would have us believe the true culprit is to be found elsewhere. Have you any evidence to support your words?
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| Roland
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...I am in no mood for jests, Mistress/Master [Player Name]. I'll ask you again, and I expect a serious answer this time.
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| Ollier
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N-No! Say it isn't so!
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| Daluce
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...I knew it. For all your lofty investigative work, all you've done is prove our case for us.
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| Daluce
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The game's up, Hugue. Now tell us where you hid the horn, or you'll be spending tonight─and many more nights─in the sultanate's darkest gaol.
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| Daluce
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You're not serious...are you?
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| Daluce
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At any rate, it's clear we've been wasting our time. Take the suspect away.
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| Sasapano
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And so what if it is!? That is proof of nothing! You need only look around you to see that I am far from the only Lalafell in this place!
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| Sasapano
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Perhaps that man is innocent, but so am I! The thief is still out there! What are you waiting for? Get out there and catch him!
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| Sasapano
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W-Wait...how do you know that!?
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| Sasapano
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I mean...nonsense! I have an alibi! At the time the theft happened, I was at the chocobo races! And I'll have you know I won myself a fortune as well! Hah! The joke's on you!
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| Sasapano
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Just ask any of the attendants there! They all remember me! Why, I'm one of their best customers!
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| Sasapano
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Why should I confess to something I have not done!? This is an outrage! You're trying to frame me to cover up for your own failure of an investigation!
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| Pipimaya
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Yes, precisely as we orchestrated...
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| Ollier
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In summary, to this point I have not seen sufficient evidence to convict the suspect Hugue beyond a shadow of a doubt. Would you not concur?
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| Daluce
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...I do. Loath as I am to admit it, your adventurer friend here has raised legitimate concerns.
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| Daluce
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My apologies for being so hasty in accusing the poor man. I shall have him released immediately.
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| Daluce
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That said, the question remains─who was the true mastermind behind this theft?
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| Pipimaya
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Yes, precisely as we orchestrated...
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| Sasapano
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Master Mayapipi? Is this your idea of a joke? The least you could do is have the dignity to call a man by his proper name!
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| Brassbladesmanc04054
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What? Just the other day you told us that was your favorite nickname!
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| Pipimaya
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Enough, Sasapano. It would seem our game is up.
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| Pipimaya
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Remarkable sleuthing, if I do say so myself. Of course, you are correct─Hugue is not the culprit.
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| Pipimaya
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I am. Or should I say, we are...
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| Brassbladesmanc04054
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M-Master Mayapipi! There's...two of you!?
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| Daluce
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What is the meaning of this!?
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| Roland
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You'd better have a good explanation for all of us.
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| Pipimaya
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I am Pipimaya...the real one, that is. The man who was posing as me until our ruse was revealed is my twin brother, Sasapano.
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| Pipimaya
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We also have another brother, some years younger than the two of us. He's our pride and joy, sharp of mind and fleet of foot.
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| Pipimaya
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Sadly, one day our dear brother was stricken with a rare, nigh-untreatable malady. He was told he had but moons to live, if that.
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| Pipimaya
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Needless to say, Sasapano and I were devastated. When the initial shock had passed, we were left with one thought─if we could not save the boy's life, at the very least we could make his biggest dream come true in the precious days he remained with us.
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| Pipimaya
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Specifically, his dream to one day sail across the heavens on his very own Sabotender Emperador. I knew of his wish quite well, having often observed him eyeing its glorious succulent form longingly from my post on security duty.
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| Pipimaya
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And so, in hopes of granting our dear sibling's dying wish, Sasapano and I embarked on a single-minded quest to accumulate as much MGP as we could muster. Sasapano, in particular, displayed quite the aptitude for games, and soon became known as one of the Saucer's most successful regulars.
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| Pipimaya
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The points accumulated rapidly, and in great quantities, but our brother's condition was declining even more starkly. We were racing against time, and seemed destined to lose.
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| Pipimaya
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So it was that the idea came to us out of sheer desperation. We would use the hustle and bustle of the festival as a cover, sneak behind the counter, and pilfer that which would make one ill-fated man's wildest dreams come true.
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| Pipimaya
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...The rest played out exactly as this insightful adventurer deduced. Little did I expect that I'd be found out before I could even sneak the horn past the guards...
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| Roland
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Indeed. It all makes sense now...
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| Daluce
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My sincerest apologies, good sir. To think that not only did we wrongly accuse you, but that the true culprit─one of them, at least─was one of our own...
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| Daluce
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Using your position and knowledge as a security officer to mastermind such a heinous act...can you two even begin to comprehend the gravity of your crimes? I'll see you rot in the darkest gaol─
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| Hugue
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Wait...I beg of you!
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| Hugue
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Might I be allowed to speak for a moment?
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| Hugue
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I come from a poor family of refugees. Before they graciously hired me as a Saucer attendant, I lived alone with my mother.
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| Hugue
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For years, it was a constant struggle to put food on our plates. We feared that each coming day might be our last. Often, I would hear my mother sobbing at night, unable to hold back the grief and pain she hid inside for her son's sake.
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| Hugue
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One day, her nameday was approaching, and I had a thought. Once─for one day in her life─I would do something that would bring a smile to her face. And so, I got her a ring─or, more accurately, I stole it.
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| Hugue
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I regretted the act almost immediately, but it was too late. I was soon apprehended. I was dismissed from my job as a laborer, and was told I would never find work in this town again.
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| Hugue
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With not even the coin to buy a scrap of bread for tomorrow's breakfast, I fell into utter despair. My life─our lives─were surely over, I was certain. It was then that a kind soul reached out to me.
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| Hugue
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That kind soul was none other than the very man whose gold ring I tried to steal. I speak of the owner of this Gold Saucer, the one and only Lord Godbert Manderville.
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| Hugue
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He made me swear a promise that I would never turn to thievery again, and offered me a position as an attendant here if I would obey. I am far from a wealthy man, but the remuneration has been more than enough to provide my mother and I with a better life than we could have ever imagined.
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| Hugue
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I was deeply wounded, of course, when I was judged by my less-than-upstanding history, and wrongly branded a thief. And I understand all too well that unfortunate circumstances do not justify turning to crime. And yet, hearing Master Pipimaya speak just now, I cannot help but feel for him...
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| Hugue
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And so, I beg of you─for what little that might count for─do not go overly hard on the man.
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| Godbert
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Your plea has been heard, my good man.
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| Godbert
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Captain Daluce. If I might have the floor for a moment, I would make a few propositions.
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| Godbert
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Proposition number one: in my capacity as owner of the Manderville Gold Saucer, I hereby gift to Pipimaya and Sasapano's dear brother one Sabotender Emperador, on the house.
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| Godbert
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The horn was a gift, meaning that no theft has taken place here today. Thusly, there is no crime for which you need answer to the authorities.
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| Godbert
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Ohoho! Needless to say, there is one with your name on it as well, my friend. Simply partake in our games and start saving those points, and it'll be yours before you know it.
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| Godbert
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As for you, Pipimaya and Sasapano. As I said, you need not answer to the authorities for what you did today. You will, however, answer to me.
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| Godbert
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The words of Hugue here speak to me. In that light, I would make my second proposition.
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| Godbert
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To answer for your actions, and repay me for my gift, I propose that you serve a period of community service, to be performed under my direct oversight.
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| Godbert
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Pipimaya, you are to don a Senor Sabotender suit and serve as a caretaker's assistant in the children's ward at Frondale's Phrontistery. There, you will do your best to provide succor and good cheer to the poor children who suffer as your own young brother does.
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| Godbert
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This will, however, require you to undergo strict training until such time as you are able to perform a perfect Senor Sabotender shimmy. Do you accept these conditions?
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| Pipimaya
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O-Of course, I do! With pleasure, Lord Manderville!
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| Godbert
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Now for you, Sasapano. I daresay your knowledge and expertise regarding all things Gold Saucer rivals almost any in the realm. It would be a shame to let that go to waste...
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| Godbert
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And so, I propose that you serve as a chaperone for those children suffering from symptoms less grave. You will show them about the Gold Saucer, that their hearts may lighten and they might forget their pain for a time.
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| Godbert
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I trust you have no objections, Captain Daluce?
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| Daluce
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I am but a humble sellsword in the Syndicate's employ, Lord Manderville. Any judgment you render, it is my honor and duty to see carried out.
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| Godbert
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Ohoho! Very well, then. I do believe we can now consider this matter closed.
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| Ollier
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Could Hugue indeed be guilty? Despite all the evidence saying as much, I still cannot believe it...
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| Ollier
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At any rate, we may have arrived at a less-than-ideal conclusion, but I thank you for your cooperation nonetheless. To that end, we have prepared a small token of gratitude for your assistance. You may claim it from my stern-faced colleague here.
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| Ollier
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I can't thank you enough for absolving dear Hugue of blame. Though it puts me ill at ease to know that the true culprit is still out there somewhere...
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| Ollier
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...Ah well. I suppose I should count my blessings. At any rate, I'm happy to say that we've prepared a token of gratitude for your assistance. You may claim it from my stern-faced colleague here.
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| Ollier
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Simply incredible! Thanks to your peerless detective work, my dear friend's innocence has been proven, and fair justice has been served to one and all.
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| Ollier
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Lord Manderville granted Pipimaya and Sasapano a brief reprieve before beginning their sentence, that they might deliver the Sabotender Emperador to their brother in person. I can only imagine how his eyes will alight at the sight!
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| Ollier
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Truly, you have saved the day in more ways than one, and all of us here at the Gold Saucer are in your debt. As a token of our most sincere gratitude, I have prepared a special gift for you─pray claim it from my stern-faced colleague here.
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| Gsstaff04054
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You've offered to help with the investigation, Ollier tells me. We cannot thank you enough.
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| Quest complete.
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