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Cloud Strife: No way! That thing's just a machine.
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The painfully Ishgardian man appears to be searching for a suitably decorous way to address you.

Quest description

Fantastic Mr. Faux Fantastic Mr. Faux is a Quest in Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn.


  • With needless formality, an Ishgardian gentleman inquires as to whether you know Khloe Aliapoh. As you, in fact, do, he subsequently explains that she is inviting all of her acquaintances to come and play with her new friend─a fox that evidently bears some resemblance to an unspecified intimidating personage.
  • You seek out Khloe's new friend─who it transpires has been dubbed the “faux commander” by Rowena for his supposed resemblance to the lord commander of Ishgard─and he explains that, not unlike Khloe herself, he is in search of wondrous tales of adventure. He is quite fantastical himself, however, and thus requires stories that are all the more incredible for it. You will need to chase your wildest imaginings if you are to satisfy his demands and gain access to Faux Hollows and its fabulous prizes.


  • Speak with the faux commander.


Fantastic Mr. Faux Fantastic Mr. Faux script
Ishgardman Pardon the suddenness of my address, milady/milord, but would you perchance be familiar with one Khloe Aliapoh?
Ishgardman It seems the word I bear will indeed be of interest to you, then. You see─Miss Aliapoh has a new pet fox, and she has made it known that her most feal of acquaintances─which include me, naturally─are invited to regale him with tales for “fantastical” rewards!
Ishgardman Surely Miss Aliapoh believes her furry friend to share in her appreciation for tales of gallantry─and I daresay my heritage makes me something of an expert. Alas...the resemblance is simply too uncanny. I cannot go near the creature without feeling as if I'm being judged.
Ishgardman My honor will not allow me to simply ignore the invitation, however─so I thought you might wait upon the fox in my stead. The children have taken to calling him “Commander,” for reasons most obvious. You will certainly know him when you see him.
faux commander If you all continue to stare at me so, I'm going to institute a fee.
faux commander Yes, yes, “Eek, a talking fox!” this, “Seven hells, that ain't natural!” that. You are all so very melodramatic. I daresay if you were ever to meet my fellows at Reisen Temple you'd drop dead out of sheer commitment to theater.
faux commander Hilarious. An entirely original joke that I have not heard eight times already this evening/morning/afternoon/evening, certainly.
faux commander I am. And I must say that such a response is a welcome respite from all of the shrieking and cooing I have encountered.
faux commander But let us speak of yourself. You appear to match the─exhaustingly enthusiastic─descriptions Khloe has given me of the adventurer who tells her “just the most wonderful” stories. Are you indeed that adventurer?
faux commander Then you are precisely the sort of person I set out to find─the sort with riveting tales to tell. And I am sorely in need of tales. Tales that inspire the mind, tales that tear at the heart, tales that grip the soul! For my tea parties, you understand.
Khloealiapof Oh, oh! It's Khloe's bestest friend, [Player Name]! Are you making friends with the Commander too?
Khloealiapof The commander says he spends days and days and days talking to his other animal friends...but after so many days, all of them have run out of new stories to tell, and he's searching far and wide for new ones. Stories, that is! He still likes his friends.
Khloealiapof So really, he's just like Khloe! Isn't that right, Commander?
faux commander As I've said, my name is Sotan. I swear, between you children and Rowena with her little joke, I'll never be rid of this blasted nickname...
faux commander Ahem. In any case, if I understand correctly, you have faced and bested all manner of fiends, including many gods of this land. Surely you have some tales worth my time─or ideas from which to spin them, at least.
faux commander If you can weave me a tale most fantastical, I will grant you access to Faux Hollows─a whimsical adventure unto itself!
faux commander ...Or, strictly speaking, a game of chance that I designed. Regardless, make good use of your cunning─and luck─and I will conjure you faux leaves as tokens of my esteem. As you have doubtless guessed, a sufficiency of leaves can be traded for other, less ephemeral incentives.
faux commander I believe that's the long and short of it, as the youths say─but don't get ahead of yourself. As I said, no ordinary story will do. I require tales to excite even those who are sung of in I expect you'll need to exercise your imagination to a certain degree.
faux commander My guests care not about the authenticity of their entertainment, so dispense with the truth as you will. Just make sure to tell me your stories whilst they're still fresh in your mind. Embellishment is one thing, but continuity errors are quite another.
Quest complete.