A Burst of Inspiration script
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Briardien
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...So Hildibrand has managed thus far not to destroy anything. Consider me something almost resembling impressed.
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Ellie
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Haha, i-indeed! But enough about Hildibrand! [Player Name] and I have been waiting to hear your latest theories. We should go somewhere quiet and─
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Briardien
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An excellent idea, Miss Ellie. Ah, yes─that spot just over there by the crates should suffice.
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Ellie
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Th-There, of all places? But surely we could find somewhere more scenic!
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Briardien
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I am not here on vacation─I am here to solve a case. Besides, we cannot afford to have our conversation overheard. That junk–littered beach should afford us some welcome privacy.
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Ellie
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Y-Yes, Inspector. Privacy, indeed...
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Ellie
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Bloody hells! Don't worry, [Player Name]. I'll figure out some way to lead him clear of the bombs.
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Ellie
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All we have to do is lure him away from these crates. That shouldn't be too difficult...r-right?
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Hildibrand
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Worry not, my friend! Should anything threaten to put you or Miss Ellie in harm's way, Nashu and I stand at the ready!
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Ellie
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I think the tide is rising! W-We really should move to higher ground...
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Ellie
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Is it just me, or is there a bit of a chill in the air? P-Perhaps we should go someplace warm...
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Briardien
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I, for one, welcome a respite from the sweltering heat. Besides, this will not take long.
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Ellie
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<sigh> If you insist, Inspector...
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Briardien
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Through the questioning of a Brass Blade attacked by our quarry, I have identified the three individuals most likely to be our thief in disguise.
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Briardien
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To wit: Morgant, Yalto Nolto, and Lewenhart. The three of us shall split up, with each of us keeping watch over...
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Briardien
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...Ahem. Are the two of you listening?
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Ellie
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O-Of course we are! Beg pardon, Inspector.
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Briardien
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You look unwell, Miss Ellie. Perhaps you were right─I, too, feel a chill wind blowing in. Mayhap we should continue our conversation elsewhere...
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Briardien
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...Ah, but there is no need. Wait here, and I shall build us a fire.
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Hildibrand
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Hah hah hah! Methinks the inspector has taken leave of his senses! The chance of locating suitable kindling on these barren shores is infinitesimal!
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Briardien
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...Here we are. This piece of driftwood should serve perfectly. And as fortune would have it, I just happen to have a flint stone on my person.
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Hildibrand
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There is no cause for alarm! 'Tis not blood that courses through the inspector's veins, but ice! I could not fathom a series of events that would lead such a calm and composed individual to lose his firm grip on that fiery torch!
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Nashu Mhakaracca
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Remarkable insight, Inspector! I must record these words for posterity!
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Nashu Mhakaracca
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Whee! It's flying!
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Briardien
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Mm? What have we here?
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Briardien
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“Everything is proceeding according to my master plan”...!?
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Briardien
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Could this be...? Another challenge from the fiend!?
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Ellie
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S-Surely you jest, Inspector! It looks nothing like his usual cards, see? Doubtless it's just the idle ravings of some madman!
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Briardien
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Perhaps so, but we must exercise due caution. Ah, there are two more pages.
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Briardien
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“Give up hope. He of many faces will laugh last. It is not the lapis maiden alone that shall come to harm”...!
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Briardien
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It is more direct than his previous challenges, but there can be no doubt as to the sender. But what is this talk of another victim? The final page holds the answer, no doubt.
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Ellie
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The final...page...?
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Briardien
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“Confounding Inspector Briardien will...meet...a...fiery...demise.”
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Briardien
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Uwaaaaaah!
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Briardien
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You...you saw through the fiend's ruse. But how?
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Ellie
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Er, let's just call it reporter's intuition. Are you hurt?
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Briardien
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A ringing in my ears, but otherwise no worse for the wear. You...you have my gratitude.
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Briardien
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...Hildibrand Manderville. Were you able to learn aught of the fiend who made this ignoble attempt on my life?
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Hildibrand
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I exhausted every effort, Inspector, yet I fear our quarry proves ever elusive!
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Briardien
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...Excellent. I might have died of shock if you had. At any rate, our foe has revealed himself as no mere thief, but a madman who will resort to cold–blooded murder. We must redouble our vigilance, lest the others come to harm.
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Hildibrand
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Vigilance! Yes, vigilance is the order of the day!
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Guguremu
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What in the name of the gods─ Thal's teeth! Those vegetables cost a fortune! And they're ruined! Ruined!
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Guguremu
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Agent of enquiry!? More like agent of injury and incompetence! You are to replace the supplies that you destroyed before the banquet begins, or I will see the entire lot of you rot in gaol!
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Hildibrand
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Thanks to our quick thinking, the bombs are no more and the inspector is none the wiser! 'Tis a shame to see good food go to waste, though─those coconuts looked positively luscious!
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Briardien
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Clearly, our thief has decided that my prodigious intellect presents the greatest threat to his schemes. Perhaps he is a more clever man than I thought.
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Nashu Mhakaracca
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Is that a fish? I'm getting hungry...
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Ellie
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I would ask how he survived an explosion at point–blank range, but something tells me that's one more mystery better left unsolved.
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Lewenhart
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What was that terrible explosion coming from the beach!? Is everyone safe?
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Briardien
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Fear not─the fiend's artless attempt on my life has been thwarted. Sadly, your food supply did not escape unscathed. Master Guguremu bids that the damaged ingredients be replaced with all speed.
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Lewenhart
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G-Good gods... This is no thief─this is a madman! As for replacing the ingredients, I fear that will prove a difficult task. Those crates contained imported vegetables of considerable rarity, you see.
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Lewenhart
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Vegetables that are in particularly short supply these days, what with the Mandragoras at large. Even if I were to place the order immediately, it would likely take days to arrive.
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Briardien
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The Mandragoras...? I have heard of that fell band. Tell me: what manner of vegetables did they steal?
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Lewenhart
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The rarest was an import from the Far East. I do not recall the name, but it very closely resembled the Eorzean dragon pepper─save for its color, which was a deep purple.
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Hildibrand
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Methinks you dost worry too much, Master Lewenhart! Our course of action is clear: we need only storm into the den of these overgrown weeds and steal your precious purple dragon peppers right back!
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Lewenhart
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I would advise against that, Inspector. These are no ordinary mandragoras, but rather a bloodthirsty band of killers given succulent flesh! Even the Brass Blades of the Gerbera proved unable to resist them.
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Hildibrand
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Oho─a formidable foe, indeed! Were only there a brave soul in our midst with a wont for taking on fearsome enemies with not a shred of concern for her/his own well–being...
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Hildibrand
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Your eyes, friend, they speak to me! They say, “I─yes, I─shall vanquish these rogue vegetables and deliver the purloined goods back to their rightful owner!”
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Lewenhart
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You are truly a godssend, adventurer! One Sundhimal of the Yellowjackets has been charged with defending the roads from the Mandragoras. If anyone would have knowledge of their current whereabouts, it would be him.
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Lewenhart
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Without those ingredients, Master Guguremu is like to cook me instead! Please, friend, you're my only hope!
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Hildibrand
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A gentleman would never let a lady/his comrade face danger alone. Let us away to Limsa together!
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Lewenhart
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One Sundhimal of the Yellowjackets has been charged with defending the roads from the Mandragoras. If anyone had knowledge of their current whereabouts, it would be him.
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Sundhimal
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If you've come for the Mandragoras, I fear you're half a bell too late. As were we, blast it all!
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Sundhimal
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To hear the poor merchant tell it, no sooner had he opened his cargo hold to check on a shipment of vegetables than did an onion turn on him, screeching bloody murder.
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Sundhimal
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Fled his own vessel in sheer terror, he did. By the time he came to his senses, it had set sail without him.
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Sundhimal
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The merchant left for Aleport, hoping to recoup his losses. If you've a mind to go after the culprits, you might lend an ear to his sad tale.
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Hildibrand
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Ahhh! Is the thrill of the chase not invigorating, friend!? The ferry docked by Fisherman's Bottom will carry us to Aleport. Let us be swiftly on our way!
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Merchant01439
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Eeek! Don't sneak up on me like that! I thought ye were a feral turnip, a murderous eggplant, or summat like that!
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Merchant01439
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Think I jest, do ye? Ye'd be singin' a different tune if a shot o' tomato juice almost took out yer eye, as it did mine! My eye!
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Merchant01439
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By the time I'd regained me wits, they'd already set sail with me ship and me livelihood. I'm ruined─ruined! If I never see another bleedin' onion till the end o' me days, it'll be too soon.
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Quest complete.
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