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⚠️ Spoiler alert. Obviously.

And an opinion barely anyone will like, I bet.

You've been warned ⚠️

Survey says the Original was bad, the Remake was worse, and Rebirth didn't make it better. What a catch we got in our hands.

Now, obviously this is just my own humble opinion, though let me tell you right now, this one was almost as unbearable to watch as the first part. As in, Remake - 98, Rebirth - 97, on a 0-100 scale of unbearness.

Let's go one thing at a time. I'll try to not get too lost, but not promises.

I wrote things as I watched, so it's a bit messy here, but bear with me, would you?

1. Characters

Let me start by saying I absolutely loved Zangan's introduction. He absolutely deserves it, and they did a pretty good job. I'm happy for him.

I quite liked Broden. Mostly design wise, but still like him. So he's another victim of the incident Veld caused years ago. I'm quite glad they're bringing Before Crisis story points to light.

Bill reminded me of Cid from FFXV lol. Don't know if it was intentional or not, but I got that impression, design wise. They are different, I can tell that, but still similar. Billy also looked very different from what we see in the original, but I kinda like the design, and personality. Feels very fitting. Chloe now does look like remained more truthful to the original thing, which I'm rather glad. Their story, though... Quite sad. Sam's cool, really cool.

Now, the chocobo, Piko. First off, odd name for a chocobo. Usually it has something more to do with the name of the bird or something related. Still, I really like it. I wonder.... Did they name it after the singer Piko? Because if so, that's badass! First Gackt, the voice provider of Gakupo, is part of FF through Genesis, and now we have a little reference to another JP singer who also provided the voice to another of my favorite Vocaloids, Piko! Really happy about this. The other chocobos also seem to be named after singers. I mean, Selena, like Selena Gomez? Bruh, they ain't trying to be subtle here, are they?

Still don't like Kyrie.

I quite liked how Gilgamesh is presented. Considering he isn't part of the original, it's nice to see him.

I'll say it once more, I like how they brought up details from the past of the characters that are especially seen in Before Crisis, like Barret working in a mine (that whole mine segment was one of my favorites to watch from that game. They even brought back the pushing minecarts thing!) or Red being also familiar with caves, given the terrain around Cosmo Canyon. Really liked this little things.

Elena is as annoying as ever, but she does look a tiny little bit more competent for the job now. At least that. Still my least favorite Turk. At least there's all the others.

Rhonda looked so cool! Man, they've really step up the game with the new mayors. And Salmon looked adorable as well, but hey, I guess being a dog kinda gives you extra points.

Roche is back, with a maniacal laughter as good as always. I've always liked those for some reason. No wonder I like him lol. Just don't like how he sold himself to Hojo. Man...

Rufus is looking as badass as always. It's also pretty nice to see Darkstar again.

Glenn from First Soldier makes an appearance and with quite the transformation.

Dio still makes me uncomfortable as hell.

And the Don Corneo crew from the prison are just as bad as him. To look at, that is.

So nice for them to bring Cissnei. Now where's the other BC Turks?!

Being introduced to Cid by flying on the Tiny Bronco was a nice touch. Considering in the original that beauty becomes a mere substitute for a boat, it's nice we're actually seeing it doing what it was made to do. Cid obviously doesn't join us right away, but very good that he is presented in his element. Wouldn't want anything else. Except maybe the old voice actor back. The voice... It didn't felt totally like Cid, only half way there.

Vincent is looking as good as ever! His voice obviously sounds different from what I'm used by playing DoC, but hey, it's Matthew Mercer! The voice of Trey, Cor and Hermes from Blood of Zeus! Love them. My man done great! Funny to think he didn't even know he would be voicing Vincent at first. Galian Beast's DoC design is still the best. Really didn't like the one of this game.

It's sad Reno can't be more present due to the passing of his JP voice actor, but I'm glad we still got a bit of him. That does mean more Elena, which I don't like, but what can you do?

Nero makes an appearance. Heck yeah!

They've added quite a bunch of characters. Expected, but I find half of them completely unnecessary. Maybe that's just me. I do see the extra ambience they give, and obviously you expect such a thing, but I still think Square overdoes it sometimes. Yet, they got lots of wish to create new characters, but apparently not of bringing the old ones back. Dude, we could've seen a few more guys from BC, or even Genesis. But guess not.

2. Story points

Since I also play Ever Crisis, some scenes of the beginning I had already seen. Namely the flashback and the way to Mythril Mines. Not all of them though. And the voices were the JP ones.

But even before that, that beginning, with Zack, left me very confused. That's proof the timelines are all mixing together, right? It just didn't make sense to me. Looked very unnecessary too. Of course, things start to connect themselves later, but still, weird beginning.

I'll give kudos to having Red narrating the past events and reminding players of what happened in the first part. Adds to his character development, brings more light to him. I liked that. Really really liked that.

The flashback..... It's like, the tenth time we're seeing it. It's pretty tiresome. But I gotta say that the changes that inevitably happen due to the new graphics, which in turn give a bigger immersion, made it a bit cooler than the rest. I like how they include some extra points of Cloud not really being Cloud in the correct order of events, like Sefiros calling him puppy (Zack's nickname), or we even seeing the real Cloud defending Tifa one extra time on the journey, and when Nibelheim is in flames him near his house calling for his mom. However, I found the inclusion of the Materia Guardian to be too much of a stretch, even in Ever Crisis, but maybe that's just me.

There's one thing that highly bothers me, which is the Kalm part. Personally, the allure of Kalm was how calm and seemingly not connected with Shinra it was. How it looked and felt so conflict free. Just a quick stop for Cloud to tell his story and we're out. Now, I didn't play the game myself, so I can't speak much, but from the little I saw, the whole town looked so different (though that might also be given how it appears in DoC, though I would expect a difference from the three year gap, so invalid argument), I both loved it and hated it. I see Kalm as a relatively small and rural village, and while the plants taking over the buildings looked awesome, the place looked and felt very big, but then again, I didn't play the game myself, so I might be getting the wrong idea from the little I saw. On my other point, like I said, Kalm was for me just a passing place, you're in and you're out, simple as that. Now they made a whole "escape Shinra" thing, brought conflict to a peaceful place. I hate it. A lot. I wanna punch whoever came up with that idea.

The ranch part... Seemed pretty chill. Don't really have much to say about it.

I got some mixed feeling regarding the swamp cross. On one hand, kinda like the more action amd exploration they gave it. On the other hand, I hate that we actually see Sefiros rescuing his boyfriend. Like, the allure of the thing was the fact that you didn't see him do that, so now that's ruined.

I must say, though, I kinda like how you now fight the Turks in the Mythril Mines. First it was just a quick cross, a barely worth mentioning and remembering place, now there's some extra action, and more character development. Quite liked it (just don't like how hard that fight was in Ever Crisis). Also really liked how you get to play as just Barret and Red for a portion; seeing as they're often the ones of the initial team more left behind, that was nice of them to shed extra spotlight on the boys.

Under Junon felt very different. No short thanks to the graphics, but it looks so different from the original thing. I'm not sure I like it.

So now you don't save Priscilla. That whole segment is changed. This is now when you first meet Yuffie, which I don't like how they changed you meeting her at a forest (even in Ever Crisis they have you meeting her at a forest, though there you meet her even before the Mythril Mines, which also bothers me), and she's the one that needs CPR, tho Rhonda is the one that does it, not us, and it's all a cutscene. They went a bit too far here imo. Seriously, this whole Under Junon part is not sitting well with me. The dolphin thing? Now you do some lap around the place, for some reason, and then QTE to get you to a control room that'll lower a boat that'll serve as a lift for the others. At least they made a legit way to bring the rest of the team up top, but why that lap? Was that to avoid the High Voltage thing? I didn't see it all, so I'm not too sure. Looked unnecessary from my point of view.

A big no for me is the now inexistence of Fort Condor. There's the condor, alright, but the Fort is no more. Now there's just a hill where some people go condor watching and make sure the condor is fairly alright. I really liked that place, and now it's gone. Square, you really know how to ruin the good stuff.

Now Tifa and Aerith accompany us into the parade. And if in the first part we had a cringe af dance scene, now that minigame is in the practice of the parade, with a few new things. At least it's easier to watch. Still makes no sense to me how suddenly they can just synchronize that so well, being their first time and having no practice at all. Also, that trooper walk, wtf is that? And they seriously didn't think they'd be recognized if they didn't cover their eyes? It's literally what distinguishes them from the rest, so easily that is. Man, the lack of braincells in this team... Even the troopers are smarter now! Slightly....

The crossing to Costa del Sol? Very, very, VERY different. Now the ship isn't just military. There's civillians in there. Welp, gotta give them some credit for giving Barret a hook to throw suspicion away from his gun. Very makeshift solution, but it worked. Also, it's sad Red doesn't infiltrate in uniform like in the original, but at least they brought it anyway by making him be a special Queen's Blood player. He's got the moves, I'll give him that. Michael Jackson style, too! However, the whole ship is attacked by monsters now, and the man in black robes merge with them too. I don't know, I don't like that change. And someone is a very big fan of horror, seeing how Jenova was.

Costa del Sol just increased ten times in size. They do went all out on making it the ultimate vacation spot. Even brought Hawaii inspired vibes to it. I'm still finding all those minigames to be unnecessary, but you gotta do them to continue the story.... Also don't like how they changed Johnny here. In the original, this is where he finally settled in with a girl, finally got his life on track. Now he owns a rundown hotel, falling into pieces, is in debt; his life is more in shambles! How dare they?! At least they still kept a girlfriend for him, tho they don't start together. And he eventually comes around, after much help from us. Also, kinda nice of them to have Tifa playing the piano, developing that particular interest of her. Still super weird to see girls be head over heels for Hojo (even if it was fake), but at least they brought his maniacal side to the outside. Still, fighting on the beach, with an umbrella... They really wanna make Cloud feel like Zack, eh? And rob a peaceful place of said peace.

Corel surprisingly didn't feel off, but maybe that's given the nature of the place. The doctor part was a nice addition, not counting that sidequest (what a way to say this game has a Death Claw too). And now Barret tells us of his past before we head into Gold Saucer. Well, that moment in itself is better played when he's at his lowest, so given how they made his entrance in the village, I don't find it too off putting.

Gold Saucer must have been fun to design and change. I mean, wonderful introduction, really tells you about the sort of place it is. Then Yuffie suddenly almost gets dragged into a dancing battle with Andrea, and to top it off, to get a golden ticket all you gotta do is beat Dio in the fighting minigame, and man is that one different. It ain't rock paper scissors anymore, it's an actual fight, or more like the usual battle style, just the people are 3D paper virtual characters controlled by the real deal. Way to bring the old polygons back. Cait Sith telling his fortune in the Haunted Hotel doesn't sit well with me either. The whole place's already gloom, no need to bring the mood down even more (though then again, that might've been why they change the location....). I liked the Jessie reference, tho, and Tifa mentioning something we discover in the Solo stories in ever Crisis.

Corel Prison is just as unruly as ever. If not even more. You get completely beaten up and now you don't compete to go up top, you compete to retrieve Barret (Dyne, really, but you'll be thinking it's Barret the whole time), while everyone but Cloud is held captive. Man, what a change. Dyne's part really hits you in the feels. Can't say Palmer wanting in on the fight does as well.

So, Gongaga. Nice looking place. It's nice to see Cissnei recognizing Cloud and reacting to Cait Sith too. Little details like this do make it more worthy. If by just a little bit. Can't say I'm a big fan of exploring the reactor, and I mean actually exploring it, entering it and powering it up. Though, who'd thought Scarlet would count on Hojo's experiments to fight for her? Still rubs me the wrong way.

Even worse was seeing Cloud pushing Tifa into the mako, and her gone down memory lane. Bro, why? I mean, cool introduction to the white whispers and the black whispers and how white is good and black is bad and Sefiros is too possessive of his boyfriend, but so so unnecessary. And weird. The whole "Weapon in reactor" also doesn't make sense to me.

Cosmo Canyon was a sight to behold. Really like the African tribe feel it had. And the River of Light, similar to what we see in Tangled? Beautiful (as far as I'm aware, it in itself comes from somewhere, I just don't know where that is). The Cave of the Gi.... Well, the bigger cave does give extra story on the dudes, which is good, but I don't get why Red can only take one other person with him. And why it has to be Barret obligatorily. Is it because they've been out of the main action more? Man, it doesn't make sense. Neither does Red acting as if he hates Barret when they've been together just the two of them in previous situations. Plus, now there's a whole Village of the Gi... They really dwelled more on this previously barely touched story part. For better or for worse. They're now the ones that first mention the black materia, and created it too! At least someone else wants it, but still not good. They quite changed the story here. The team doesn't even gather around the fire like before!

I gotta say, Zack and Biggs being friends is something that one wouldn't exactly expect, but kinda works. It's also interesting to see them trying to understand the merging of the timelines. Which, might I add, still feels really weird. Zack being alive, everyone believing the OG team was killed in action, well, severely wounded, more precisely, a second Aerith and Cloud. It's just.... Super weird to me. Not liking it.

Yo, since when did the Chocobo Sage moved from Icicle Inn to Nibelheim? Wth? Oh, hell no! Cool development for Billy, but ya can't just change a whole location like that! As for Nibelheim itself, same shitty place. Not sure I like how Cloud is already remembering Zack, and how apparently it was Zack that got carried away by the river's current. The basement of Shinra Manor is so weird to me, likely because I'm used to the Dirge of Cerberus version of it. The story part of it too. Very different. It's also weird to see Cait Sith actually being able to hold his own in battle, at least to me. Plus him fighting without the moogle body, which is suppose to be where the majority of his battle prowess is. I don't like how we gotta fight Vince. Leave the poor man alone, he's suffered enough.

And now Cid knows Aerith and Ifalna?! Tf is this? Square, tf is this? Oh hell no! And Vince only joining you when you board the airship.... Meh, at least he still comes along when you're not looking. And you don't even stop in Rocket Town for the Tiny Bronco to become a ship instead?! That's it, that's too much. Nuh-uh, I don't like it.

Since when does Marlene has premonition powers? How drunk where people when they made this game?

That Loveless play was something else, though I'm more flabbergasted at the Legend of Zelda kind of shit they pulled after. And Aerith's song? Really nice, really sweet, though some endings of phrases sounded off to me. I'm no professional, but just saying. In any case, I can't do better; can't sing that high. Cid being asleep gave me life, but Vincent being present there, actually engaging in activities? That was even better. Our vampire man is more soft than he lets on. I can't believe they couldn't let Cid and Vince join the Colliseum fight. Being on watch duty, that ain't Cid at all! It's Vince, alright, but not Cid! But, eh, Cait still betrays us, though the Turks coming in for a fight is something else, I tell you. And the whole "Corneo wanting Gold Saucer" is such a stretch too. Won't say it couldn't be a possibility in the original, but do we really gotta focus on that? And then Rufus joins the fight instead!? Yo, what is going on here? Tseng with Darkstar was cute, at least.

It's a bit sad to see Vince and Cid being such side characters, being constantly left behind, for one reason or another, but there really isn't much to be done about it.

Temple of the Ancients. No longer south, now it's north. What were they thinking when they changed the whole world map? And now the whole Shinra goes there?! I'm so done with this. And Aerith doesn't have a heartfelt moment with Tseng when he appears almost dead at the entrance, since now he's still inside when we enter and stuff. And gravity shifts in the labyrinth? I mean, I guess you gotta come up with some way to make it a labyrinth without relying on suddenly changing the location of the characters off camera. Still. Whatever that second puzzle was all about.... At least we got a fight with Reno! And then we also fight Tseng. Wasn't expecting him to be all about punching people. Thought he used a gun as main. But at least he got the fight he lacked in the original. Still don't like the fact this whole segment is so different. Now Aerith and the crew watch Tseng being impaled by the walking trash and then have their moment. Only for Tseng to walk away right after. Like, bro, tf? You're badass, alright, but don't overdo it! The hell was that? So, who on the devs teams decided everyone should go down trauma lane? Because like, it's cool and good for character development, but not for mental health. And who decided to take away the clock room? That one was the best one. Seriously, this is all a mess. And Sefiros, once more, everyone already knows you're gay, stop showing it to the whole world in extravagant ways. Not helping your lost case. Cait Sith's sacrifice is still one of the saddest moments ever, even if its purpose has been completely rewritten and ruined. Welp, at least Rufus isn't sending Tseng to Hojo's care. Gotta take proper care of the elite ones.

And it was at this point that they grabbed the original script, ripped it into little pieces, and threw it in the trash. There's no other way to explain what happened after the Temple of the Ancients. Because until then, things were still fairly similar to the original story, all things considered. From then on out? Not one bit.

How dare they completely remove Bone Village?! The nerve!

That ending made zero fucking sense, but expected all things considered. It's not like this thing is suppose to make sense anyways.

3. Extra stuff

There is an awful amount of clipping whenever flowers are involved. It bothers me quite a lot. I mean, sure, for all that matters, the little plants also have clipping going on, but that's barely visible. I'm talking about medium to tall flowers here, you'd kinda expect they wouldn't sleep on those. It just looks so weird. There were also some weird and inaccurate renditions of Glenn's robe when he was talking with Rufus, on the sleeves mostly. That ain't how physics work. Pretty sure Aerith's dress also suffered from this sometimes.

I like how others also stay in battles, and if I'm not wrong they may attack normally every now and then. I'm not sure, but the very fact they still appear on the battlefield, even if they aren't one of the three you're controlling is interesting.

Pretty interesting to see other ranchs besides the one from the original. Gives an extra charm to the world. Speaking of chocobos, the way to catch them now.... Is someone a fan of Metal Gear in the team? Because we're basically being Snake over there. At least you no longer have to be in a fight, but I question just how much better this new method is.

Also really interesting of them to mix both passive and normal wild life with monsters. Adds more to the world, I'll give them that.

Seeing Barret going through the concerns of a father was so heartwarming. I'm very happy that they're further exploring this side of him. And his relationship with Tifa is still one of the few good points out of this.

Pretty funny how Junon has a bald-only café. The shady business Rude is into transformed into comic relief.... Way to go, Square, way to go.... I liked the original best, but at least they're making Rude not be 100% a serious dude, so that's nice too.

Red with children is something else. Good for him, he needs to unwind a bit. And everyone treating him as a pet is both funny and frustrating. On one hand, it helps keep appearances and stay out of trouble; on the other hand..... It gets old quick.

Yuffie only joining you in Costa del Sol feels so much of a stretch. It just isn't AS big as it could be because you still see her around on your journey, she's still close, just not in the team. Still, took her sweet time.

Cait Sith's voice bothers me. The accent, I mean. Like, I know he has a Scottish one, or is supposed to, but I definitely can't deal with the forced or strong accent they gave him now. Should've stick to the older voice actor, eh?

There does seem to be a lot of exploration and optional sidequests that bring extra life to the world. But as I've heard others say, it is a lot. Of course, they're optional (for the most part they seem at least), but one would still like to do them for the extra bits of story and character development and whatnot that you get. But then again, it's A LOT!!! Tone it down, man. I didn't play the game and even I'm bothered.

The whole Johnny clones quest was weird af. Yuffie could've just blow them up, make them disappear, no? I mean, I guess they're helping, but still.... Super weird. The second date with Aerith too. At least Red's minigame seems fun. And it seems he enjoys it too.

When Rude said "Wish you were here, partner" in Gold Saucer, it felt like that was destined not only to Reno but also his late JP voice actor. God, the feels!

Red's change of voice took me by surprise. Really wasn't expecting it.

Why does Dyne's wife looks like Tifa, just with brown hair?

I can't believe Yuffie made a reference to FFX-2. That's an odd game to reference. But hey, I like the inclusion.

Cait Sith walking/running like an actual cat and then starting rolling is fun. He doesn't do that in DoC, so it's a bit weird to me, but still fun.

I like how Vincent's coffin has his Cerberus symbol. Nice detail there. And he's still bad with technology, gotta love him for that. And his interactions with Cait, almost as if predicting the future, are funny too.

"Try to screw us over and you're a dead man.". Cloud, he's already dead. That ain't gonna work. The dialogue of this game is something else sometimes.

"Need that radio." "Thing's practically an antique." "Even better.". I love these two for a reason. And again, Vincent and technology are a wonderful duo lol.

I can't believe Aerith got a Yuna moment. What was that for?

"Death doesn't suit a Turk.". Vince, love, that's literally how you leave that job.

So, during the fight with Jenova at the forgotten capital, they have an Advent Children joint attack moment. Good for them. Obviously, Vince and Cid aren't present, unfortunately, but hey, guess that's the price of being the best. Too good for the masses (I know that's not the real reason, but let me joke around).

There's a Type-0 reference, made through an ability called Tempus Finis. Very cool. Wanna know what's so not cool? The one that has that ability is Sefiros.

4. Summary

So, for like 85% of it, the game is fairly loyal to the original counterpart, in its own way. The remaining 15% were made by completely drunk people. There's no other way to explain it.

Whole world map has changed, and that's a clear indication everything is ruined. Congrats, Square.

My favorite characters barely do a thing in this one, which is pretty sad. Even I liked the Remake a little more for the extra scenes some folks had.

Oh, and pretty much everyone is a schizophrenic now. For some reason, they decided Cloud wasn't enough, and made the whole team join him. Honestly, are these people ok?

This one really hit the bottom alongside the first part. Zero interest in what's to come next, unless they make a DLC for Cid and Vincent soon.

Thanks for indulging my ramblings. I'm gonna drown in non-ffvii content and clear my head from what I just watched. Been doing it while I watched anyways.

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